Wrestling Undertaker Assets

FINALLY, ROUSEY DEVELOPS A SECOND FACIAL EXPRESSION Photo Credit: WWE.com So, you need the news, eh? You need it so bad that you can taste it, that you ACHE FOR IT. Well, you're in luck because HORB FLERBMINBER IS BACK WITH MORE INFORMATION THAN YOUR PUNY BRAINS CAN HANDLE. I bring so much news to the table that even Justin Barrasso is embarrassed. AND HE'S CO-OPTED BY WWE. I once reported something that made Vince McMahon cry. Sure, it was that I was carrying a letterbomb full of atomized onion that exploded in his face, causing him the MOST PAINFUL PAIN HE'S EVER FELT, but hey, I take things on technicalities. IT COUNTS. Of course, you could  just read the newsletter and think to yourself, "Oh, I've had enough." Well, you'd be WRONG, because you can NEVER HAVE ENOUGH HORB, you peon. NEVER. First, follow me on Twitter, @ HorbFlerbminber . Where else can you see me hoot and holler while Eric Bischoff owns Dave Meltzer? NOWHERE, that's where. Also, you

The WWE Network has uploaded nearly 40 Coliseum Home Video releases from the late 80's and early 90's. Elliot is here to help you wade through the riches and see what is worth watching. THE SKITS/RUNNING BITS Wrestlefest '93 opens with Mean Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan driving down a lonely freeway. Heenan is riding shotgun and being a terrible map-reader. Okerlund notices that their car is overheating and the engine is dying. So they pull to the side of the road, and they begin arguing about how to fix the car. As the matches on this videotape unfold, we periodically revisit Okerlund and Heenan. Heenan is under the hood and getting grease on his face. He doesn't know how to fix the car, but of course he won't admit that, so he just yells at Okerlund. Eventually, he figures out the problem: there is a hamster in the engine. Just... a hamster. That's it. Oh, and the video ends with the guys hitchhiking and getting someone to stop for them, but Okerlund gets in

Braun Strowman has become Death, Destroyer of Chambers Photo Credit: WWE.com Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list: 1. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - Strowman didn't win the Chamber match but he pretty much made Roman Reigns' job easy for him. I mean, he eliminated an entire normal Elimination Chamber's worth of competitors last night. Technically, he should be given some kind of win, but you know the Monster Among Men isn't content taking technicalities. My guess is he'll go and level North Henderson tonight in retaliation. Or maybe just kick Reigns across

Reigns winning the Chamber was the right call, but is his WrestleMania opponent the same? Photo Credit: WWE.com So, Elimination Chamber was a decent enough show. Nia Jax and Asuka went out and had a Match of the Year candidate, Ronda Rousey had her road to WrestleMania mapped out through MCMAHON COUNTRY, Alexa Bliss MADE HISTORY thanks to Sasha Banks and Bayley finally coming to the first real blows since Takeover: Respect, and The Bar kept their RAW Tag Team Championships. However, the narratives shifted and focused on one singular decision, which felt like it was set in stone since at least SummerSlam, Roman Reigns ending up as Brock Lesnar's opponent for WrestleMania 34. If you have an intense feeling of deja vu over this, congratulations, you're justified. Reigns once again heads into Mania challenging for a title against a mostly vacant part-timer after a Royal Rumble took place in Philadelphia. The main difference is that Reigns got there via other means, namely the Elimi

Cien 4, Tomasso 3, Johnny 0 Photo Credit: WWE.com Remember when our champion looked more like the Mexican-American Male? Remember when Johnny Wrestling couldn't buy a win to save his life? God's Production Team remembers. Title v. NXTenure is our main event. Velveteen Dream: preens his way to the ring Center Stagers: WHOO! Vel vet een! Vel vet een! No Way Jose: dances his way to the ring Center Stagers: Meh. Jose: But... he's still a, and I'm, you guys realize that Center Stagers: WE SAID MEH. Jose: Say meh to these right hands and this plancha! Center Stagers: Vel vet een! Vel vet een! Jose: biels him across the ring a couple of times Dream: I hear you, mortals. Okada level dropkick! Rolling DVD! Purple Rainmaker! Say the one thing I like in lieu of my name! Referee: Winner! Dream: picks up the mic Center Stagers: Vel vet een! Vel vet een! Dream: Your male competitor of the year... Center Stagers: HOORAY! Dream: Overall competitor of the year... Center Stagers: HOORAY!

Jarrett, in a WWE ring again? I'd bet on it. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: @tholzerman serious question, despite your personal feelings, do you think Jarrett ever competes for Vince again? � ???? (@flannelheart) February 19, 2018 I don't think it's a matter of if but when, to be honest. He's going to be in the Hall of Fame, right? And Vince McMahon has a guitar-playing heel who'd probably generate a lot of fan reaction if he went face to face with Double J. Hell is freezing over, so you might as well g

A BONA FIDE HALL OF FAMER Photo Credit: WWE.com Well, well, well, HORB FLERBMINBER is back to give you all the news you can shove into your shopping cart without tripping an alarm. How much is that, exactly? Well, it's WAY more than bottles of Mal�rt at Binny's Beverage Depot, that's for sure. I KNOW THAT FROM EXPERIENCE. Anyway, I will have all the best news and opinions this week, WAY MORE than that hack Dave Meltzer. Did you know he trolls Tumblr for information to smear assault victims? That part isn't a joke. Fuck him. Anyway... If you want the full HORB EXPERIENCE, then you have to do one of two things, preferably both. The first is follow me on Twitter, @ HorbFlerbminber . Why would you NOT want to, unless you didn't want the most up-to-date news on things that matter without whining and complaining that I'm not getting the credit I deserve like Brad Shepard. Seriously, fuck him too. Also, you can get old issues of the newsletter that you can read on your

Rollins shone because he dictated his path, not management Photo Credit: WWE.com RAW has opened with a 20 minute promo so many times in its history, one can be forgiven if they watched last night, got nearly two-thirds of the way through the telecast before the first match ended, and were flabbergasted at the dedication served to an actual in-ring product that wasn't truncated, formulaic for television, or unimportant. Sure, the premise of it was, in a word, stupid if you didn't immerse yourself in the experience. Six days out from Elimination Chamber and putting all seven competitors in a grueling marathon match for zero stakes felt like the most Vince McMahon-as-demented-autocrat decision ever. However, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns from the beginning set the scene in a way that it demanded your attention to forget about the lack of tangible stakes outside of the classic "winner's purse" ploys that old school color commentators would dangle as a reason. The firs

If the Hall of Fame had objective merit, why is Jarrett in and Chyna not? Photo Credit: WWE.com The announcement of Jeff Jarrett's induction into the WWE Hall of Fame had a side effect of people getting really adamant, defensive, jumpy even about who gets into the club. The discussion turns to who is worthy of being inducted, with people unleashing vitriol in attack of those they feel unworthy or in defense of those they feel deserve to be there. When you boil down worth or eligibility to its core, you'd find out the only thing that gets someone into the WWE Hall of Fame or keeps them out is the whim of an insane old man. Vince McMahon doesn't really give a flying shit about what titles you won, how much money you drew, or anything else but if he thinks you can net him a few extra tickets sold or another round of great publicity. If his Hall of Fame had any semblance of objective criteria, would it have taken more than two decades to induct Bruno Sammartino? He was the comp

BRAAAAUUUUUUNNNN Photo Credit: WWE.com Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list: 1. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 4) - Look, how could I not put Strowman first. The goddamn cello puts him in the running for greatest RAW segment of all-time. Seriously. 2. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 6) - Embiid played in his first all-star game last night and continued the process along of adopting Russell Westbrook, first by hitting a RAINBOW of a three pointer over him from WAY downtown and then chasing him down and blocking him at the other end. Lord help the Oklahoma City Thunder if they're on the

Back from the dead Photo Credit: WWE.com About 18 months ago or so, I received a TweetBag question about what would entail a "burial at sea" in wrestling, a burial so heinous that it could not be undone. The example I used was of Jeff Jarrett, who twice carnied the shit out of Vince McMahon to the point where the chairman of WWE called him a " Goonie " on the simulcast of RAW and the final episode of Monday Nitro. Jarrett jumped ship in 1995 while under contract, and somehow because of the climate, he was allowed back. He was going to jump ship again, but he had to drop the Intercontinental Championship to Chyna first, and well, he didn't wanna drop the title to a dang woman without some more money up front. McMahon told him to pound sand and was so offended that everyone assumed Jarrett was going to WWE what Uncle Ben Parker was to comics, the only person who'd stay dead. Anyway, burial at sea, this is what I wrote about it way back in July of 2015: A buri

SURPRISE Photo Credit: WWE.com Pete Dunne: comes out to a massive ovation You know how this ends.  And you're really going to try it? Roderick Strong: also comes out to a strong pop Try it?  This is the time I succeed at it. Both: grapple the other to a stalemate, go for their finisher and fail at it Pete: gets the advantage with joint manipulation, and is his wont, stomps the hand into the steps Roddy: Well, that sucked!  I'm not eating that twice.  counters another try at it and capture backbreakers Pete into the top part of the steps Good.  Pumphandle backbreaker! Pendulum backbreaker!  Set up in the corner! Pete: No thanks, mate.  hits the injured hand to fend him off then tosses him outside to land a diving stomp to the bad arm And now, for my preordained Roddy: enzuiguiris him on the apron twice, then gutbusters him into the apron Mauro: That's the hardest part of the ring! Everybody: drinks Pete: to kick off segment the third, CRACKS Roddy's skull with an enzuigi

PIZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAA Photo Credit: TH It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: FMK: new york pizza, chicago pizza, st louis pizza � TV's Brent (@TVsBrent) February 14, 2018 For those who don't know, FMK is the "fuck, marry, kill" game, usually played with three people. It's crude, but it relays certain desires. It's way less problematic when done with food, unless you're one of those kinky mfers who likes foodplay in the bedroom. Note, I am not here to fuck the pizza. In this case, the "fuck" is for pizza I'd e