Wrestling Undertaker Assets

WILL TAKER SHOW UP AT MANIA? Photo Credit: WWE.com It's the biggest week in wrestling. WrestleMania week? NO. WrestleMania is RUN BY MARKS, WORKED BY MARKS, and ATTENDED BY THE BIGGEST MARKS OF THEM ALL. This week is WRESTLEMANIA NEWS WEEK from your main source for ALL the biggest scoops, HORB FLERBMINBER. Oh, you thought you could escape me, COULD YOU? Well, you're WRONG! I'm here to feed you the news whether you like it or not, like old-timey parents used to feed their belligerent children castor oil. I SAW IT ON TOM AND JERRY ONCE, SO IT HAS TO BE TRUE. Do you think Bryan Alvarez has the same dedication to giving you what you need? HELL NO, he's too busy trying to pass off WCW Saturday Night recaps from 1994 as current events. I'M ONTO YOU, DICK BOY. Of course, you COULD just read the newsletter, but that'd be like going to an orgy and just sticking your pinky finger in someone's asshole, WITH THEIR CONSENT, OF COURSE. Unlike some professional wrestling ...

It's time for Sheamus to invade Muppet home turf, for the kids of course. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: TOM WHICH WRESTLERS WOULD HAVE DOPE SESAME STREET SEGMENTS #TWEETBAG � Sassy's Sassiest Boy (@thegnc) March 27, 2018 The obvious answer is Sheamus, because he's already had a dope Muppet segment with Beeker. He's just got too affable a personality that even when he's supposed to be playing a prick, his warmth and avuncularity just seeps through. Elias already has guitar skills down, so he can definite...

The greatest ever? Far from it, but that perception is WWE's fault. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: @tholzerman Charlotte is considered the greatest woman�s wrestler of all time. What does Asuka need to do to surpass Charlotte in the history books? #tweetbag � Anoka's Flawless (@SocksUnterShoes) March 21, 2018 Charlotte Flair is the best women's wrestler of all-time? Who considers her this? WWE canon doesn't even have her surpassing Trish Stratus and Lita yet, I don't think. If you look across the spectr...

Jarrett, in a WWE ring again? I'd bet on it. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: @tholzerman serious question, despite your personal feelings, do you think Jarrett ever competes for Vince again? � ???? (@flannelheart) February 19, 2018 I don't think it's a matter of if but when, to be honest. He's going to be in the Hall of Fame, right? And Vince McMahon has a guitar-playing heel who'd probably generate a lot of fan reaction if he went face to face with Double J. Hell is freezing over, so you might as well g...

PIZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAA Photo Credit: TH It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: FMK: new york pizza, chicago pizza, st louis pizza � TV's Brent (@TVsBrent) February 14, 2018 For those who don't know, FMK is the "fuck, marry, kill" game, usually played with three people. It's crude, but it relays certain desires. It's way less problematic when done with food, unless you're one of those kinky mfers who likes foodplay in the bedroom. Note, I am not here to fuck the pizza. In this case, the "fuck" is for pizza I'd e...

Jordan has neck issues Photo Credit: WWE.com So, are all you REPROBATES and BELLENDS done celebrating the Super Bowl? Huh? HUH? I know Holzerman isn't, that motherfucker. He still stinks of Victory Golden Monkey and horseshit. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS DOING ALL THAT HIGHFALLUTIN' STUFF. Only rat vomit and Jeppsen's Malort for your newsmaster, HORB FLERBMINBER. That's right, I'm DRUNK ALL THE TIME, not just when some shitty football team finally stops being shitty long enough to win something. BESIDES, I'M A FAN OF THE DECATUR STALEYS. It's hard to be disappointed with a team that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. You know what does exist though? MY TWITTER ACCOUNT. That's right, you won't get the full HORB EXPERIENCE unless you follow me @ HorbFlerbminber . When else will you be able to see me post DMs from Vader about the time he loaded ferrets into a bazooka and fired them at Mitsuharu Misawa as a rib? YOU WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU FOLLOW ME. Also, yo...

Penta El Zero M snapping arms and starting off this entry of the TWB 100 Photo Credit: Mikey Nolan The TWB 100 charges into the top half of the list today. But enough of me yammering in an introductory fashion. The list, it resumes now! 50. Pentag�n, Jr./Dark/Penta El Zero M Points: 619 Number of Ballots: 10 Highest Vote: 11th Place (Mat Morgan) Last Year�s Ranking: 32nd Place Chris Gibbons: Like his brother, Pentagon can be a bit inconsistent in match effort, but holy hell is his peak incredible. The Cueto Cup to Ultima Lucha Tres was a phenomenal run for Penta in Lucha Underground, and he had plenty of great stuff for the American indies he frequented. His death match with Tremont in CZW was one of the best bloody spectacles of the year, especially considering that it was his fourth match in two days. Photo Credit: Mikey Nolan 49. Kenny Omega Points: 623 Number of Ballots: 8 Highest Vote: 2nd Place (Jeremy Carlile) Last Year�s Ranking: Not Ranked TH: He was in the top 25 of...