Wrestling Undertaker Assets

WILL TAKER SHOW UP AT MANIA? Photo Credit: WWE.com It's the biggest week in wrestling. WrestleMania week? NO. WrestleMania is RUN BY MARKS, WORKED BY MARKS, and ATTENDED BY THE BIGGEST MARKS OF THEM ALL. This week is WRESTLEMANIA NEWS WEEK from your main source for ALL the biggest scoops, HORB FLERBMINBER. Oh, you thought you could escape me, COULD YOU? Well, you're WRONG! I'm here to feed you the news whether you like it or not, like old-timey parents used to feed their belligerent children castor oil. I SAW IT ON TOM AND JERRY ONCE, SO IT HAS TO BE TRUE. Do you think Bryan Alvarez has the same dedication to giving you what you need? HELL NO, he's too busy trying to pass off WCW Saturday Night recaps from 1994 as current events. I'M ONTO YOU, DICK BOY. Of course, you COULD just read the newsletter, but that'd be like going to an orgy and just sticking your pinky finger in someone's asshole, WITH THEIR CONSENT, OF COURSE. Unlike some professional wrestling ...

Pictured: A fookin' legend Photo Credit: WWE.com The second to last bin is comprised of the wrestlers I get excited for. " The Mark Out Gang " is the group of wrestling personalities who really stoke my fires for professional wrestling. I generally go out of my way to see them work, would buy their merchandise, and generally want them to be featured on their shows. Hell, I may even get mad if they don't win their matches. Again, I have a lot of wrestlers on this list, so I have blurbs for a handful and the rest are just listed below, ENJOY: Sheamus - Rumors are flying around that Sheamus is battling spinal stenosis. For those who don't know, it's the condition that caused Edge to retire. It would be both a crushing end but the most appropriate one for the least appreciated modern WWE main event guy, perhaps ever. He finally found a niche where he's not only surviving, but thriving and fate had to do it to him like Vince McMahon and the writers have done ...