Wrestling Undertaker Assets

A BONA FIDE HALL OF FAMER Photo Credit: WWE.com Well, well, well, HORB FLERBMINBER is back to give you all the news you can shove into your shopping cart without tripping an alarm. How much is that, exactly? Well, it's WAY more than bottles of Mal�rt at Binny's Beverage Depot, that's for sure. I KNOW THAT FROM EXPERIENCE. Anyway, I will have all the best news and opinions this week, WAY MORE than that hack Dave Meltzer. Did you know he trolls Tumblr for information to smear assault victims? That part isn't a joke. Fuck him. Anyway... If you want the full HORB EXPERIENCE, then you have to do one of two things, preferably both. The first is follow me on Twitter, @ HorbFlerbminber . Why would you NOT want to, unless you didn't want the most up-to-date news on things that matter without whining and complaining that I'm not getting the credit I deserve like Brad Shepard. Seriously, fuck him too. Also, you can get old issues of the newsletter that you can read on your...

Rollins shone because he dictated his path, not management Photo Credit: WWE.com RAW has opened with a 20 minute promo so many times in its history, one can be forgiven if they watched last night, got nearly two-thirds of the way through the telecast before the first match ended, and were flabbergasted at the dedication served to an actual in-ring product that wasn't truncated, formulaic for television, or unimportant. Sure, the premise of it was, in a word, stupid if you didn't immerse yourself in the experience. Six days out from Elimination Chamber and putting all seven competitors in a grueling marathon match for zero stakes felt like the most Vince McMahon-as-demented-autocrat decision ever. However, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns from the beginning set the scene in a way that it demanded your attention to forget about the lack of tangible stakes outside of the classic "winner's purse" ploys that old school color commentators would dangle as a reason. The firs...

Reigns on the sauce? Photo Credit: WWE.com WELL, WELL, WELL, it's another week of wrestling, so it's another week of NEWS NEWS AND MORE NEWS. And who's here to deliver said news? THAT'S RIGHT, it's HORB FLERBMINBER, and I am BACK WITH A VENGEANCE. Everyone who disbelieved my news report on Randy Orton developing the gout WILL PAY. That means you, Todd Martin! And everyone who discredited me after I said it was John Cena who had a 13-inch penis when it was actually Rey Mysterio, THEY DID A RECOUNT, AND CENA'S HOG WAS 12.88 INCHES LONG, WHICH ROUNDS UP TO 13. So eat me. Additionally, you can follow me on Twitter, and hell, you SHOULD follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber . If you don't, I will hunt you down and explain evolution to your children. And if you're one of those sciency people, I'll explain creationism to them. I AM AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER. Also, you can order back issues of the newsletter. I'd tell you where to get them, but hone...

ARE YOU READY FOR WRESTLEKINGDOM? Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein HAPPY NEW YEAR, HORBIACS. New year, but SAME OL' HORB FLERBMINBER, back at you mining them scoops like they need to be mined. CONTRARY TO RUMORS SPREAD ONLINE, I didn't take the last two weeks of the year off. It's just NEWS DIDN'T HAPPEN. It's true, sometimes, the world stops, especially when I'm off attempting to break the world record of cans of Hamm's beer drunk in one sitting. Did you know Andre the Giant set the record back in 1978 and every year I try and fail to break it? THAT SON OF A BITCH COULD PUT THE BREW AWAY. Anyway, if you want the partial Horb experience, then by all means, JUST READ THE NEWSLETTER. However, if you want it all and you want it NOW, then follow me on Twitter Dot Com, @HorbFlerbminber . You'll know when and where I post screenshots of The Iron Sheik posting antisemitic rants before deleting them. If you guess which ones are doctored and which ones are real, y...

A deep dive on Jericho's career is in store this week and more Photo Credit: WWE.com Man it's a cold one, like seven inches from the Night King's ass. You don't wanna go outside. Trust me, I'm actually out here. It fucking sucks. You don't wanna be out here like me. You want to be in your snuggly bed, with your laptop or your phone in front of you. The only problem is you need something interesting to keep your attention. Fret not, I have links! All the links your body can handle, right here. READ 'EM but don't weep, unless you find something emotional. Then, by all means, please sob. Michael Elgin chose loyalty over believing victims, and this makes him worthy of the trash bin. I wrote why he's the latest in a sorry slate of people in wrestling protecting abusers. [ The Wrestling Blog ] PROGRESS Wrestling's motto is "don't be a dick," but man, the people running it seem to live by the credo "Do as I say, not as I do." I w...