Wrestling Undertaker Assets

Jordan has neck issues Photo Credit: WWE.com So, are all you REPROBATES and BELLENDS done celebrating the Super Bowl? Huh? HUH? I know Holzerman isn't, that motherfucker. He still stinks of Victory Golden Monkey and horseshit. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS DOING ALL THAT HIGHFALLUTIN' STUFF. Only rat vomit and Jeppsen's Malort for your newsmaster, HORB FLERBMINBER. That's right, I'm DRUNK ALL THE TIME, not just when some shitty football team finally stops being shitty long enough to win something. BESIDES, I'M A FAN OF THE DECATUR STALEYS. It's hard to be disappointed with a team that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. You know what does exist though? MY TWITTER ACCOUNT. That's right, you won't get the full HORB EXPERIENCE unless you follow me @ HorbFlerbminber . When else will you be able to see me post DMs from Vader about the time he loaded ferrets into a bazooka and fired them at Mitsuharu Misawa as a rib? YOU WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU FOLLOW ME. Also, yo...

For McCool and other women of the past who came back, this was an earned moment Photo Credit: WWE.com I am emotionally exhausted after watching the women's Royal Rumble match. I can't write about it objectively because it was such a deeply personal experience, a kind of compensation to me for sitting through years of bullshit, but even more deservedly to the women who competed in the match. You can quibble about so many newcomers being eliminated by the old guard, and if this was another instance of, say, Kane and Big Show cleaning house, I might agree, but in this case that shit felt earned . Lita, Trish Stratus, Michelle McCool? Hell yeah. My girl Molly Holly? HELL FUCKING YEAH. I'd rather see them toss around every asshole who ever catcalled them or every man, in the business or out of it, who thought they were less than their male counterparts, but finally, FINALLY seeing them get the respect they deserve was amazing. And does it make up for Lita having her personal lif...

McMahon should probably not talk on RAW anymore until she's ready to bump Photo Credit: WWE.com Wrestling is storytelling; I'm pretty sure even the most intensely antagonistic groups towards each other in this culture war can agree on that. In any story, every beat, every plot point, everything a character says has to have a point, a purpose, or else it can and should be edited out. Whether it be foreshadowing, catalyst for action, comic relief, exposition, or some other reason that can be justifiably defended, each element has to serve some kind of end. So it's not only fair to ask why certain people do certain things during a three hour telecast of Monday Night RAW, it's pretty much essential. In that effect, what is the point of Stephanie McMahon coming out and degrading various people on the RAW roster whenever she appears? The knee-jerk answer is that "she's a heel, duh," which, I get it to an extent. McMahon gets heat, so of course, that might seem  ...