Wrestling Undertaker Assets

WILL TAKER SHOW UP AT MANIA? Photo Credit: WWE.com It's the biggest week in wrestling. WrestleMania week? NO. WrestleMania is RUN BY MARKS, WORKED BY MARKS, and ATTENDED BY THE BIGGEST MARKS OF THEM ALL. This week is WRESTLEMANIA NEWS WEEK from your main source for ALL the biggest scoops, HORB FLERBMINBER. Oh, you thought you could escape me, COULD YOU? Well, you're WRONG! I'm here to feed you the news whether you like it or not, like old-timey parents used to feed their belligerent children castor oil. I SAW IT ON TOM AND JERRY ONCE, SO IT HAS TO BE TRUE. Do you think Bryan Alvarez has the same dedication to giving you what you need? HELL NO, he's too busy trying to pass off WCW Saturday Night recaps from 1994 as current events. I'M ONTO YOU, DICK BOY. Of course, you COULD just read the newsletter, but that'd be like going to an orgy and just sticking your pinky finger in someone's asshole, WITH THEIR CONSENT, OF COURSE. Unlike some professional wrestling ...

It's time for Sheamus to invade Muppet home turf, for the kids of course. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: TOM WHICH WRESTLERS WOULD HAVE DOPE SESAME STREET SEGMENTS #TWEETBAG � Sassy's Sassiest Boy (@thegnc) March 27, 2018 The obvious answer is Sheamus, because he's already had a dope Muppet segment with Beeker. He's just got too affable a personality that even when he's supposed to be playing a prick, his warmth and avuncularity just seeps through. Elias already has guitar skills down, so he can definite...

Darby Allin *just* missed the cut this year Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein Hello, friends, and welcome to the rollout of the TWB 100 for the calendar year of 2017. The votes have been received and tabulated, and now the fun part begins. I will begin unveiling the list tomorrow, but first, why don't you sit back and meet the people responsible for putting this thing together, okay? While the voter count was down this year � I received 23 ballots, down from 66 last year (yikes) � the stock and quality of voters remained at high levels. Additionally, out of 23 voters, 15 submitted the full 100, which is an astounding percentage. To all who voted, pat yourselves on the back, for now you will be made known to the world. If you have any issues with this year's TWB 100, the people you'd take it up with are the voters, but if you have any problems and you wanna bother my pure, sweet Large Adult Sons and Daughters, please don't. They voted. You didn't. Anyway... TH - Pok�m...

BREAKING: THEM LONG BOYS Photo via Voices of Wrestling So, are you cretins and dopes NOT HUNGOVER ANYMORE? Well, HORB FLERBMINBER still has a hangover, A HANGOVER FROM REPORTING ALL THE NEWS. That's right, your buddy HORB is back to dispense all the news he spent the last week gleaning, gathering, UPROOTING FROM THE EARTH LIKE A PIG SNIFFING OUT TRUFFLES. Unlike most James Beard Award winning restaurants, I WON'T CHARGE YOU AN ARM AND A LEG TO SHAVE MY NEWS NUGGETS OVER YOUR DOLPHIN RISOTTO. Now, you could just be content taking in the newsletter, but what kind of MONSTER would you be if you ONLY consumed what's below? Huh? HUH? YOU'D HURT MY FEELINGS! You can help sate my massive and fragile ego by subscribing to the up-to-the-moment content on my Twitter feed, @ HorbFlerbminber , first and foremost. You can see when I drop the MOST CURRENT updates, including when CM Punk has eaten corn, and any updates on AJ Lee's menstrual cycle, thanks to the camera I've rig...

I've turned yet another corner on Charlotte Flair Photo Credit: WWE.com So now, the time has come to crack open the largest sorting bin, "General Affinity." It's by far the largest because I'm not in this to go hate on people. I generally enjoy most of the people I watch, even if not all of them can be favorites. Strap in, I'm gonna write blurbs for 30 of these bad boys, girls, and persons of other gender and then list a whole bunch of them down at the bottom. Charlotte Flair - It's weird. Her entire gimmick is that she's "genetically superior," and yet when she plays to her genetic forebear, father Ric, Flair falls short. The biggest surprise of the year was when she came over to Smackdown, was put in more of a traditional WWE babyface role, and started killing it like she did back in NXT. She hasn't had to work underneath a whole lot, and frankly, few wrestlers can make her do that believably, but she's been really good at taking b...