Wrestling Undertaker Assets

FINALLY, ROUSEY DEVELOPS A SECOND FACIAL EXPRESSION Photo Credit: WWE.com So, you need the news, eh? You need it so bad that you can taste it, that you ACHE FOR IT. Well, you're in luck because HORB FLERBMINBER IS BACK WITH MORE INFORMATION THAN YOUR PUNY BRAINS CAN HANDLE. I bring so much news to the table that even Justin Barrasso is embarrassed. AND HE'S CO-OPTED BY WWE. I once reported something that made Vince McMahon cry. Sure, it was that I was carrying a letterbomb full of atomized onion that exploded in his face, causing him the MOST PAINFUL PAIN HE'S EVER FELT, but hey, I take things on technicalities. IT COUNTS. Of course, you could  just read the newsletter and think to yourself, "Oh, I've had enough." Well, you'd be WRONG, because you can NEVER HAVE ENOUGH HORB, you peon. NEVER. First, follow me on Twitter, @ HorbFlerbminber . Where else can you see me hoot and holler while Eric Bischoff owns Dave Meltzer? NOWHERE, that's where. Also, you ...

The WWE Network has uploaded nearly 40 Coliseum Home Video releases from the late 80's and early 90's. Elliot is here to help you wade through the riches and see what is worth watching. THE SKITS/RUNNING BITS Wrestlefest '93 opens with Mean Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan driving down a lonely freeway. Heenan is riding shotgun and being a terrible map-reader. Okerlund notices that their car is overheating and the engine is dying. So they pull to the side of the road, and they begin arguing about how to fix the car. As the matches on this videotape unfold, we periodically revisit Okerlund and Heenan. Heenan is under the hood and getting grease on his face. He doesn't know how to fix the car, but of course he won't admit that, so he just yells at Okerlund. Eventually, he figures out the problem: there is a hamster in the engine. Just... a hamster. That's it. Oh, and the video ends with the guys hitchhiking and getting someone to stop for them, but Okerlund gets in...

Jordan has neck issues Photo Credit: WWE.com So, are all you REPROBATES and BELLENDS done celebrating the Super Bowl? Huh? HUH? I know Holzerman isn't, that motherfucker. He still stinks of Victory Golden Monkey and horseshit. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS DOING ALL THAT HIGHFALLUTIN' STUFF. Only rat vomit and Jeppsen's Malort for your newsmaster, HORB FLERBMINBER. That's right, I'm DRUNK ALL THE TIME, not just when some shitty football team finally stops being shitty long enough to win something. BESIDES, I'M A FAN OF THE DECATUR STALEYS. It's hard to be disappointed with a team that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. You know what does exist though? MY TWITTER ACCOUNT. That's right, you won't get the full HORB EXPERIENCE unless you follow me @ HorbFlerbminber . When else will you be able to see me post DMs from Vader about the time he loaded ferrets into a bazooka and fired them at Mitsuharu Misawa as a rib? YOU WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU FOLLOW ME. Also, yo...

TWO WINNERS!?!?!?! Photo Credit: WWE.com There have been 30 editions of the Royal Rumble match, and not all of them have been noteworthy. Big John Studd won one of them, for goodness' sake. But let's focus on the good, in the face of all the difficulties we must endure in this ridiculous world of ours. Certain Rumbles have ended in excellent fashion, and we should take a minute to show our appreciation, if only to get ready for our inevitable disappointment at the end of the 2018 Royal Rumble. (moments are unranked, because rankings are unfair) 1994 Royal Rumble - The Co-Winners In the first and only time in which there were officially two winners of the Rumble, Bret Hart and Lex Luger toppled over the ropes and eliminated each other at the same time. It's a precarious spot that WWE tried again last year with AJ Styles and Luke Harper, and even Mr. Gay Community wasn't talented enough to pull it off. But Bret Hart was. And even with a clumsy oaf like Luger in his hands,...