Wrestling Undertaker Assets

Ladies and gentlevillains � E C III Photo Credit: WWE.com Rental Car: pulls up "Earlier Today" Scumbag: gets out Full Sailors Outside: BOOOOOOOOO Cameraman's Questions: get ignored Tomasshole: Mr. Regal! What is going on?  Johnny... he... he shows up at my work and sneak attacks me � the last act of a desperate scoundrel, may I add � my physical therapy. my apartment at three in the morning!  This is on you! Master Regal: Johnny is out of order, I concur. Tomasshole: I want him gone for good! Master Regal: I propose to you at Takeover: New Orleans an unsanctioned match. Tomasshole: Me?  In an unsanctioned match?  You know who I am, boss, you know what that means... Master Regal: Should Johnathon win, he gets his job back.  Should you win, he's banished from NXT forever. Tomasshole: For good? Master Regal: nods For good.  But this time, Mr. Ciampa, you'll have to do it...yourself. Who, The Band On Stage: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! My Girlfriend, P...

It's time for Sheamus to invade Muppet home turf, for the kids of course. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: TOM WHICH WRESTLERS WOULD HAVE DOPE SESAME STREET SEGMENTS #TWEETBAG � Sassy's Sassiest Boy (@thegnc) March 27, 2018 The obvious answer is Sheamus, because he's already had a dope Muppet segment with Beeker. He's just got too affable a personality that even when he's supposed to be playing a prick, his warmth and avuncularity just seeps through. Elias already has guitar skills down, so he can definite...

GUESS WHO GOT THE POOP POISONING? Photo Credit: WWE.com HORB FLERBMINBER is back, and I don't have enough time in the day to tell you all the reasons why the following news report will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Honestly, I shouldn't even be reporting half of this. Why? Is it because most of it isn't true? PREPOSTEROUS. My news is the LEAST FAKE NEWS OF ALL-TIME. It's because for most people, the truth hurts, rating about at a nine or even a full ten on the pain scale. THAT'S WHY DAVE MELTZER NEVER REPORTS ANYTHING ACCURATE. He's too much of a WIMP to SMACK YOU IN THE FACE with the straight dope! That and because he's a fucking rube who gets worked too easily by his sources and who takes it out on women in general and in specific, but that's neither here nor there. Or is it? YOU BE THE JUDGE. Now, you could just read the below newsletter and do nothing else with your day, BUT WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT, PISSANT? Follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber . I swear, ...

They tore the pyramid down on Sunday Photo via New Japan Pro Wrestling Strong Style Evolved was nothing to write home about, compared at least to both G1 Special shows from last year. Sure, the wrestling was fine, especially on the back-half of the show. If you edited some of the slog parts out of the Hangman Page/ Knife Pervert Jay White match, that turns into a fine semifinal title match on a strong B-show. The Kazuchika Okada and Tomohiro Ishii vs. Zack Sabre, Jr. and Minoru Suzuki match was a delightfully violent feud-furthering interstitial that helped heap more coal into the furnace for the Okada/Sabre IWGP Championship match this coming Sunday. Several other matches had fun moments. However, while the G1 Specials felt like marquee events, Strong Style Evolved had a distinct house show feeling to it. The show, up until the end of the White/Page match, felt fun but inconsequential at best. Then, the Golden Lovers and Young Bucks took the ring and gave the event its raison d'e...

BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER Photo Credit: WWE.com Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list: 1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: Not Ranked) - So, Bryan announced that he was cleared to wrestle and immediately took an apron bump on his way back to a presumed match at WrestleMania. What an absolute legend. He could have just put someone in a YES! Lock and been done with it, but when you're Bryan BY GOD Danielson, you don't half-ass things. You put the stank on it. I can't wait to see what he has in store at Mania and beyond. 2. Kota Ibushi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Golden Love...

[Ironside theme intensifies] Photo Credit: Some Unemployed Guy 's Twitter Ciampa: comes out Full Sailors (yes, they're back) : hold up Johnny Winkyface signs BOOOOOO!  YOU SUCK!  YOU SUCK! Ciampa: holds up his index finger and raises the mic Full Sailors: BOOOOO!  JOHNNY WRESTLING!  clap clap clapclapclap Ciampa: shakes his head, finally blows it HE'S GONE!  GONE!   Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ciampa: NEWS FLASH: he's not walking down that damn aisle, he's GONE!         Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!  YOU SUCK!  YOU SUCK! Ciampa: raises the mic again Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!  CIAMPA SUCKS!  CIAMPA SUCKS! Ciampa: extends his arms Come At Me Bro style, drops the mic and leaves Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!  signs up, so many signs Ciampa: starts ripping the ones he can reach, from a young woman, an old lady, some fan in a mask Some Fan In A Mask: removes it... you can probably guess Johnny Wrestling: jumps over ...

The greatest ever? Far from it, but that perception is WWE's fault. Photo Credit: WWE.com It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman , and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag , and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers: @tholzerman Charlotte is considered the greatest woman�s wrestler of all time. What does Asuka need to do to surpass Charlotte in the history books? #tweetbag � Anoka's Flawless (@SocksUnterShoes) March 21, 2018 Charlotte Flair is the best women's wrestler of all-time? Who considers her this? WWE canon doesn't even have her surpassing Trish Stratus and Lita yet, I don't think. If you look across the spectr...

He has returned! Photo Credit: WWE.com Are you ready to celebrate the GREATEST COMEBACK IN WRESTLING HISTORY? What, Bryan Danielson? HELL NO. Everyone knew he was coming back sooner or later, ESPECIALLY ME. I'm talking about HORB FLERBMINBER, baby. That's right, I have RETURNED from the gnarliest hangover in WRESTLING JOURNALISM HISTORY. I would say I'm never drinking that much grappa again, but YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN RYAN SATIN IS GOING TO THROW DOWN THE GROSS LIQUOR GAUNTLET AT THE AIRPORT HOLIDAY INN IN ONTARIO, CA. I must remain as vigilant to consume massive amounts of disgusting liquor as I am to report the news. AND I AM THE MOST VIGILANT AT DOING THAT. Of course, you could just consume the HORB EXPERIENCE via the newsletter, but WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? That would be like going to Old Country Buffet and not stuffing your cargo pants full of take-home leftovers. THEY HAVE ENOUGH FOOD TO FEED 12 ARMIES, I CAN TAKE MORE THAN I CAN EAT HOME, DAMMIT. First, you shove popcorn ...

The Dragon Returns Photo Credit: WWE.com On February 8, 2016, Daniel Bryan appeared at RAW in Seattle to announce he would be retiring from active in-ring competition. The announcement left people stunned, but given the injuries that cut both of his afterglow runs after WrestleMania XXX and 31 short, it wasn't surprising. The rash of head and neck injuries he suffered were the product of a career that went hard. However, while Daniel Bryan was retiring, everyone sort of assumed he'd pop up somewhere else after his contract ended to continue wrestling as Bryan Danielson, no matter how many times he said that he'd settle down to a more pastoral life. The fires never really went out, and Bryan, with the exhortation from his wife Brie Bella, never stopped trying to recover and defy odds to get cleared medically to compete to a level of safety that he was comfortable with. Even if it wasn't going to be in WWE, he was going to wrestle again. News started to filter out that he...

Wrestling is whatever you want it to be, but that means Jordynne Grace is more right in that it's art Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein Jordynne Grace is known for a lot of things in pro wrestling. She's one half of Team PAWG with LuFisto. She's starting to travel the world to ply her craft. She's also a renowned powerlifter who can probably lift you, yes, you sitting there reading this over her head. She's also got one of the more engaging and entertaining Twitter accounts among wrestlers of any level of employment. Sometimes, she gets into scraps with folks, whether it be fans or colleagues. Her latest spat was more the latter. Over the weekend, she got into it with people, including Davey Richards and Josh Barnett, arguing over whether wrestling is an art or a sport, respectively. In the near nine-year history of The Wrestling Blog, you should know by now that I lean more towards the art side of the spectrum in this argument with about a Ford F-150's truckload...

The Ultimate Deletion was a fun watch, but it had distinct lack of ambition Photo Credit: WWE.com Before anyone writes any words about the Ultimate Deletion, one should note that any criticism of it couched in the belief that Vince McMahon had any resistance to air something as esoteric and cinematic as the Broken Universe does not know Vince McMahon's history of broadcasting wrestling. It's wild that the most successful wrestling promoter of all-time seemingly hates the medium of pro wrestling, but stranger things have happened. McMahon has always fancied himself as an entertainment mogul more than a promoter anyway. He's said so on so many occasions. He's taken great pains to keep the word "wrestling" from being uttered on RAW. I mean, nothing makes me cringe harder than when Michael Cole proclaims WrestleMania to be the biggest event in "entertainment." He produced "Fuji Vice," for crying out loud. I don't think his lack of understa...