Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 3, Issue 13

TRIPLE H CRUSH
Photo Credit: WWE.com
HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone, HORB IS BACK. Yes, that's right, be thankful for my SCOOPS, and I don't mean of mashed potatoes now. Dave Meltzer's reporting will leave so you sleepy you'd thought you'd eaten the entire turkey. Wade Keller's is as wrong as your Mee-Maw's technique at making gravy. Don't even get me started on Ryan Satin not knowing the difference between stuffing and dressing. WHAT A HACK.

You can give EVEN FURTHER thanks to me by following me ON THE TWITTER MACHINE. You can find me @HorbFlerbminber. If you don't follow me, how can you be sure if I'm giving Native Americans equal time on this Thanksgiving by spamming Tatanka with links to my all-herbal supplement, HORBALIFE? YOU WON'T. You can AND SHOULD also buy my back issues. Instead of listing them, however, I will list OL' GRANMAMA FLERBMINBER'S SECRET STUFFING RECIPE, right here, in honor of Thanksgiving.
  • 6 lbs. day old bread
  • 1 ostrich egg (bird, not Will Ospreay)
  • � lb. longpig
  • 3 cups sawdust (binder)
  • Eye of newt
  • The female orgasm
Combine them all in a bowl, light the bowl on fire, then set fire to the rain and watch it as you touch the face of an ex that you're stalking. After three hours of the screams of the villagers, voila, you have stuffing!

And now, the news:

- SURVIVOR SERIES RESULTS: Triple H wins, no one else survived.

- Brock Lesnar defeated AJ Styles, even though he was TOTALLY OUT OF SHAPE AND EMBARRASSING. How dare WWE put someone SO OUT OF SHAPE in a main event spot?

- IN unrelated news, consumption of Mountain Dew among wrestling fans has grown since it has become a WWE sponsor.

- Paige returned to WWE programming on RAW Monday Night, finally passing the final drug test needed for clearance, Whether Or Not She's Dating A Lunatic Psychopath.

- Mandy Rose, Sonya DeVille, Ruby Riot, Sarah Logan, and Liv Morgan all debuted over the last two nights of live WWE programming. Billi Bhatti was reported to be alternating between writing an angry letter to WWE offices and masturbating.

- NXT WAR GAMES RESULTS: Each match was rated on average two stars higher than it should have been, which is down from prior shows, where the average has been 3.12 stars above average. The curve is getting better!

- Drew McIntyre tore his bicep after flexing so hard after hearing that upon losing the NXT Championship he'd make the main roster that the muscle tore clean off his bone. He was that excited.

- Roman Reigns won the Intercontinental Championship on RAW, showing that WWE STILL just doesn't get it! I'm shaking my head so fast that I internally decapitated myself 15 times so far this week.

- Hideo Itami to be demoted to 205 Live.

- WHO'S THE BIGGER STAR, JOHN CENA OR CONOR MCGREGOR? I asked 20,000 people, and they all looked at me funny because it was after I woke up in hungover in the middle of a busy intersection in Harbin. I KNEW I should've taken those Mandarin lessons with Cena when I had the chance.

- Finn B�lor was in line to challenge Lesnar at the Royal Rumble, but plans have changed, mainly because he wouldn't undergo experimental "entallening" surgery to make him a foot taller and thus a more credible physical threat to Lesnar.

- Kamala was pronounced "dead" by several news outlets yesterday, until other sources refuted that report and confirmed his condition was upgraded to "alive."

- The Georgia Dome has been imploded. This never would've happened if WCW didn't run the Fingerpoke of Doom there.

- Tim Storm will appear at Combat Zone Wrestling, but only if NWA officials let him fashion the Ten Pounds of Gold into a shiv for him to use in the Cage of Death match.

- Punishment Martinez won Ring of Honor Survival of the Fittest this past weekend, which means he will more than likely be working EVOLVE shows by October of next year.

- ICW FEAR AND LOATHING RESULTS: ICW shows it fears common decency and loathes any fan who has survived domestic abuse.

NO POLL THIS WEEK. I refuse to make you work on Thanksgiving. REFUSE.

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